Ask Babe: Porn This Way

Hi Babe,

So my dilemma is…as a child and young teen I was a model. I was signed with one of the most prestigious modeling agencies in New York. I always thought that would be my career, but I unfortunately ended up only being 5’8 and having a round face. My agency did not renew my contract when it was up because of those reasons. I am basically worthless at life and have no other career options. I have gotten some offers to do porn and am so obsessed with living the good life and having nice things–I’m a designer whore. So, my question to you is: being in my situation, do you think I should do porn? I have no other way of supporting myself and I can NOT have a job where I’m not making enough money to buy the lavish things I enjoy or doing anything that involves real work. What do you think I should do with my life?

Love,

A******

Dear 5′ 8″ with a round face,

I’m gonna go ahead and say “don’t do porn.” Unless (and this is a huge “unless”), porn is the one thing you have always dreamed about doing. If it’s not, then think of something else.  I’ve got nothing against porn. I love porn. I’m like obsessed with porn. I am addicted to porn in a very unhealthy and compulsive way, and it’s great. But would I ever do porn? No.

Needing to buy the new Day Luxe Tote by THE ROW is not a good reason to get fucked in the ass by a guy named Gus who lives in the valley and drives a PT Cruiser, while another dude who everyone calls “Thunder” jerks off into your hair. I mean, I get it. That bag is day-to-night, reasonably priced, and an absolute necessity for anyone who wants to be taken seriously. But at the end of the day, you have to love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love what you do, and it doesn’t sound like porn is your life’s true passion. Here is a list of other suitable careers for ex-models/pre-divorceés:

1. Actress: It happened to Brooklyn Decker

2. United Nations Messenger of Peace: Think Charlize Theron

3. TV Host: A la Padma Lakshmi

4. Hostess/Waitress: the most non-work kind of work you can do

5. Escort: think Gigolos, but chic

Whatever you do, you’ve gotta be in love with it. Doing any job just so you can get money is a waste of time–unless it’s an obscene amount of money. But I’m talking hedge fund money, not double penetration money.

Good luck, slut! You probably only have to hold on for a little bit longer until you find a very old and very rich man to marry.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • guest

    Another great option is being a sugar baby! 

  • Jess

    who is that gross to do porn? just the fact u know of babe walker makes me not like babe walker anymore.