Dear Babe,
What should I get a girl with good taste for Christmas? She hasn’t let me take her out yet. Of course, the good ones are hard at first. Any suggestions? I don’t want to look like a fool and get a girl I haven’t fucked yet a pair of Louboutins…
Thanks,
P****
Dear Non-Boyfriend,
Get her Loubs. But if you really think you don’t have a chance at taking her out, send them to me. I like anything lizard or ostrich.
LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.