Jet Babe: Turks & Caicos

SO… I was dying for a vacation. Like literally, was actually in the hospital, legitimately soooo sick from needing a vacation. Literally, you guys would be so jealous if you knew how sick I can make myself over shit like this. Literally.

I’m stressed to the max, because my life has turned into a literal waterfall of responsibility over the past year. I used to basically say/do/slap/vacation as I pleased, wherever I wanted, and nobody would ever sue me or even tell me to shut-up. But now that I have a blog, a book, an editor, an agent, two publicists, three assistants, one shaman, and an intern who are all constantly nagging me to write more super long sentences and answer more phone calls/emails, I had to get away.

I know what you’re thinking: St. Barths.

But I just can never with St. Barths, so Turks and Caicos it always is. This beautiful island (colonized by the Brits in 1681, blah blah blah who gives a tits) has become my “go to” holiday hideaway. I’ve been coming here ever since I was a baby Babe. It’s SO beautiful it will make you forget all about that time you almost blew Mark McGrath because he happened to miss his charter flight, so he hopped on your Dad’s jet at the last minute, sat next to you and said, “you look familiar from the gym,” and you guys drank too much rum together, etc…

I always stay at the same resort when I’m here: Amanyara.  If you go, make sure to reserve Villa 33 because it has the most amazing private beach (pictured above) and the cutest little private chef named Lian. He’s from Indonesia, which is chic now. His skills are unbeatable when it comes to tasty, low-cal, holiday fare. Lian’s literally made me a different soup for every meal that I’ve eaten here, and they keep getting better, i.e. each one tastes more and more like nothing.

I spend my days beaching, sleeping, crying (but about happy stuff) beaching, tanning and beaching. Then I get wasted alone once everyone’s gone to sleep. It’s heaven. But, I will say that I miss you guys and I miss kale. Maybe next year we can all come live in Villa 33 together for the holidays? JK that would be miserable, you guys are all insane!

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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