Musique Babe: Lana Del Rey

Hey Psychos,

Today I wanted to take a quick second to ask you a question. But, seriously, let’s make this super quick. I have my mid-morning nap in about fifteen minutes and If I’m late, my afternoon nap will be so mad at me.

So, here’s my question: Who/why is Lana Del Rey?

I know you know that I know you know who this girl is. She’s everywhere you look. On TV, on your phone, at the Globes after party on your boyfriend’s lap smoking your cigarettes that were in his jacket and laughing to her own jokes. Lana, what are you trying to do to us?  I just don’t know if I’m supposed to let you in or do everything in my power to keep you away. Are you some kind of witch? You have near-perfect Ariel hair, your karaoke slut act is so fucking rude, and your stylist (you) is dressing you like a mormon-tomboy-lesbo circa 1997. I love it and it’s freaking me out. I don’t like when I like other girls. Plus, I have this overwhelming feeling that you’ll be dead soon, which is too chic for me to even handle right now.

Lana, please let me slap you before you leave us.

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