So, I usually hate doing anything that everyone does (like deciding to lose 60 pounds on January 1st, or giving up Diet Coke) but this year there’s something in the air. Something is telling me that it’s time to make my life a little less stressful. It’s going to be a big year, and I’ll need to be as zen as possible, because I slapped far too many of my closest friends and relatives last year.
Therefore, I’ve resolved that, in this new year of opportunity and hope, I will smoke 100% more pot. I want to return to the land of a forgotten Babe: the type of Babe who wakes up at 8:00am, has a cup hot water with muddled basil leaves (best thing for healthy arm skin, trussssst), chews on one Organic, Fair Trade, Guatemalan Coffee Bean, spits it out onto the floor, and then hits a small, crystal water bong before going back to sleep at 8:05. I’ll resume my day at 12:00pm, making sure there are plentiful bong rips throughout, and only addressing people by the name of their spirit animals, which I will decide.
This is my first step in regaining some of the inner peace that I used to enjoy when I was a full-blown pot head. If anyone else feels like they want to de-stress, or just talk about it, email me. Let’s chat. I’ll be stoned.