Ask Babe: A Good Man is Hard to Find (When You’re Hot)

Dear Babe,

I go to fashion school in New York City and I am beyond boy deprived. All the guys at school are walking around in Jeffrey Campbell Litas and carrying Birkin bags. Then, when my friends and I go out, we’re surrounded by men who wear Ed Hardy, have a piercing in each ear, and think they can get us in their pants because they have bottle service and a cheap looking spray tan. There have to be good-looking, straight, rich men somewhere in NYC, right? What do I do and where do I go to meet a Robert? Help.

Xoxo,

C*******

 

Dearest Hag,

I understand your plight. Being a fashion student is hard. Not only are you forced to go to school just to prove that you’re chic, but you’re also dealing with a dearth of worthy, single, straight men in your thankless day-to-day. When I was in school at Parsons in NYC I forgot what a straight man was, and the guys I would meet out at night were either losers or not gay yet.

It sounds like your main issue is where you are choosing to be seen.  Not sure how you’re finding yourself surrounded by so much Ed Hardy, as this seems kind of hard to do in 2012. So shame on you. I hope these three simple ways you can avoid loser hot-spots will help you:

1. If there is a line outside the door, do a psycho scan. If over 50% of them are wearing anything fake fur/Jeffrey Campbell/cutoff shorts with tights underneath, scurry away without being noticed.

2. Don’t go out with 600 girls. It’s not chic. Pick one or two girlfriends who won’t drink too many Manhattans (or whatever sick cocktail people are drinking right now), puke in public, and stain your bag. Smart, straight guys like small groups–not busloads of girls on a field trip to Le Baron.

3. Invest in small bars. Spend a weekend day in a neighborhood that you love in NYC and find a few chic tiny bars with no bullshit scene. That night, explore the options lurking here.

OK, so I hope you can get your shit together before it’s too late and you move back to wherever. There are Roberts in New York, you just have to be patient. Not everyone can be given a man like Robert as a gift from God, like me.

 

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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