Ask Babe: Express Yourself

Dear Babe,

I am in dire need of some assistance. My frumpy, plus-sized Director cannot handle my fashion sense. She called me into her office and said I was not allowed to wear my new knee-high leather boots to work, and that my J Brand skinnies were too tight. Since when was dressing fucking chic a deterrent to my career?

P.S – I’m a boy/man

Sincerely,

A********

 

Shim,

Everyone is entitled to express themselves sartorially in whatever way they see fit. Never, ever, ever let anyone tell you not to wear the jeans that make you feel skinny or the boots that make you look like a goddess. This is a very simple life lesson that my maid, Mabinty, taught me one day when I told her that her jeggings were too tight. She looked right into my eyes and said, “and yuh pea green Birkin disgustin, Babe Walker, but I ain’t gonna be complainin’ to yuh. It’s my life, and as long as it ain’t givin’ me no muffin top I’ll wear what I wan.” So there you have it. Plus, her jeggings were Versace and I was just jealous that she’d outbid me on ebay for them. So I’d venture to say that you’re probably dealing with a jealous bitch.

Who is this director? What is a director? Fire her.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.

P.S. – I trust that you’re thin, but if your pants are actually too tight/causing a muffin top/unsightly bulge/not enough bulge, then you might want to try a new look.

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