An Open Letter To Christie Brinkley

Listen The Fuck Up Christie Brinkley,

I almost forgot about you, so good job. You’re officially back, and you look really pretty too. Almost too pretty though, so be careful. I see you on the cover of shitty hollywood rags when I’m getting a pedicure. I hear you when I walk past my kitchen (the chefs love The Today Show). I have to say though, if your cryface pops up in my line of vision again within the next, I don’t know, week…I will cry. I get that your ex-husband is, legit the creepiest ex-husband you’ve ever had, but your quest for “peace” needs to stop here and now. Or, at least stop talking to the press about it. And stop texting my dad for legal advice, he’s busy with real-life responsibilities like planning my birthday luncheon which I’m sure you know is fast approaching. June will be here before we know it. It’s time that you take your fucked up situation into your own little hands and remove yourself and your kids from the negativity by dating someone new. The only way you’ll ever get out of the hell hole that Peter dug when he fucked that nasty 12 year old in 2008 is by finding your own, younger side piece. Maybe Joe Jonas…? In fact, I’ve seen Joe Jonas at the gym recently and I feel like your spirits would totes sing harmoniously. Peter says that he wants to live his life “without the Christie Brinkley shadow over” him. Do us all the favor of removing the Christie Brinkley shadow from over Peter Cook and put it over Taylor Lautner’s cock.

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  • LeezaFreemont

    Wow, I don’t even know how I came upon this but I am shocked at the level of irresponsibility and nerve here.  Whomever wrote this has no idea what Christie and her kids are going through and as someone who has been a victim of a sociopath, there is nothing amusing whatsoever in the cavalier way this person assumes to know anything.  How disturbing to think this kind of thing is permitted and how terrible for Christie who is just so nice and so charitable.

    • Kellie

      It’s satire. It’s not supposed to be taken seriously at all. 

    • SuperMike

      For goodness sake! How fucking stupid are you?  It’s meant to be a joke.  J-O-K-E.  She has deliberately put herself into the public eye since the early seventies.  She doesn’t need you to defend her.  She probably loves the attention.  And how do you know she isn’t an epic pain in the ass to be around.  This last guy was her fourth husband for Christ’s sake.  Why can’t this stellar piece of ass hang on to a man?   The average length of her marriages is 7.5 years.   Chew a little on those facts Leeza.  WTF is your issue with her anyway?  Are you having rugmunch dreams about her or something.  I know I have.  But I’m a guy.  I’d even put up with her no doubt insane personality for a week or two just to make her bite the pillow three or four times.  Anyway.  I digress and ramble.  Chill out toots.  Christie needs your help like she needs another husband. 

      • Ellenmoreso65

        Now that cynical, angry portrait of “super mike” IS sort of funny. Any other women sympathetic to Christie because they also have been on the receiving end of the snarling likes of a super mike, must be gay and Christie is to blame because she trusted and loved a few losers too much?. Thankfully I get to retain my own opinion, regardless of super mike’s eloquent and highly evolved lecture…