Dear Babe,
I got stuck having to do 10 hours of community service, which I think we can both agree is so not chic. How would you handle this situation?
S*******
Dear Lindsay Lohan,
Please, please, PLEASE tell me you aren’t bitching about 10 measly hours of community service. 10 hours is nothing–I can work out for 10 hours straight! Also, contrary to popular belief, community service is actually the chicest, or at least it can be. I haven’t had the pleasure of being assigned community service (as any charges against me are always dropped, per my generous dad) so I’m going to recommend that we look to our patron saint, Naomi Campbell, for guidance on how to handle this situation. If she can do a week of community service for throwing a cell phone that just happened to hit a lady with whom she was very angry, you can certainly do 10 hours of community service for smoking Salvia at school, or whatever. I will now instruct you on how to channel Naomi’s energy and make the most of this experience:
First of all, shut up. Nobody likes a complainer. Now, read this article, and see if you can’t gain some perspective.
Did you read it? Isn’t Naomi everything? Ok, good. Here are the three main things you’ll need to do in order to have a great day:
1) Show up on time, looking flawless.
I’m talking couture, fur, boots, etc. None of this I-just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-threw-on-baggy-sweatpants-and-Uggs shit. Seriously. See the outfit below and take notes, if necessary.
2) Get the job done and have a good attitude.
See how polished, poised, and professional Naomi looks in this pic? Try and mimic that vibe in your own special way. Never sacrifice your personal flare.
3) Bring a change of clothes for afterward.
After a day of cleaning shit, one tends to smell/look like shit. So make sure to pack an extra outfit for when you leave. The sparklier the better. I would say “feel accomplished” but again, 10 hours. PLEASE.
The most important thing is to be humbled by the experience and learn from your mistakes. If that is beyond your abilities, at least have a photographer friend on hand to turn the entire day into a huge photo shoot. Was this all clear? Good. I’m going back to bed.
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