I am a 19-year-old girl and have really short hair, almost like a buzz cut. I’ve noticed that everytime I go out people make fun of my hair on the street, laughing out loud, insults, teasing, you name it. When I’m out with friends they tell me that they don’t know how I deal with having to live like this everyday. The worst part is that my hair doesn’t grow anymore because I suffer from alopecia, and I don’t feel comfortable wearing wigs. What can I do?
Dear G.I. Jane,
People on the street are stupid fucking morons who wouldn’t know what chic was if it punched them in the dick/vag. And your friends clearly haven’t seen Aliens 3 or V for Vendetta, so what the fuck do they know? I’m sorry you have alopecia. That can’t be easy. However, you’ve got to look at the bright side, which is that your lack of a mane gives you more freedom to explore any look your heart desires. I know that you don’t like wigs, but maybe eventually give them a shot? There are just sooooo many to choose from. I’ve been known to rock a wig or two whenever I’ve wanted to mix it up. That being said, I’m really feeling your current short hair scenario, so here are a few non-wig options I’d recommend:
A platinum buzz can be très fabulous. I did this to my hair when I was just a young Babe. It was a total fashion risk, but I really loved it. Pair this hairstyle with a wife beater, Acne’s destroyed baggy jeans and a scowl and you’ll look like such a hot, angry lesbian that no one will fuck with you.
Normally I would put my Marlboro Light out on a turban-wearing hipstress, but in your case, it’s less of a fashion statement and more of a way of life, which makes it authentic. And authenticity is key when it comes to headwear. So maybe find something that makes you feel like a powerful goddess and just go for it. Also, you can easily turn any Hermès scarf that may be lying around your house into a head wrap, fyi.
Do you have a round, symmetrical head? Then try a completely bald look. No one is going to have hair in 500 years, trust. Future chic.
Statement earrings can draw attention to your neck/head/face area in the best way possible. I see you in a simple, white, flowy dress rocking insanely huge earrings. Any of these beauties by DANNIJO could do the trick, but definitely the bigger, the better.
Do you think that anyone in their right mind would tease Mike Tyson? No. So face tattoos are always an option. But please remember, they’re totally permanent.
I hope this helps you feel a little better about your hair. If none of these options work for you, I suggest moving to a more open-minded place, like LA or NYC. Call me if you come to LA, we’ll shop.