Ask Babe: Hugy

Dear Babe,

I have a major problem: my boyfriend’s penis is just too huge! What should I do?

Love,

I***

 

Dear Pamela Anderson,

Just think about this for a second. It’s not the worst problem in the world to have. I’ve dated a few different guys who presented me with a ‘mission impossible’ scenario in the dick department. At the end of the day, unless his peen is bigger than a San Pellegrino x Bulgari bottle, you can achieve your goal of sleeping with him.

Think of it this way: Anything in life that is truly worthwhile, requires thought, hard work, and commitment. So you need to start slowly and work your way into this. Your bf should totally understand your need to move slowly, unless he’s only ever slept with major slores with huge vaginas. You need to be prepared to accept at least 10% more of him per week. That may sound like a lot to you, but remember that you won’t be taking the plunge for 10 weeks, which will be like 10 years to him.

Use enough lube. This one is my fave/the chicest on the market: Uberlube. Be generous with it. Also be prepared to go down on him pretty much everyday until you’re lady flower has bloomed wide enough for his wasp.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • pee ann dee day

    “everyday until YOUR lady flower has bloomed wide enough for his wasp.” 
    still funny little quote.