PDA Is Whatever

Have you ever been waiting for your order at your local smoothie place, scrolling through texts from your art therapist about what type of organic New Mexican clay to bring to your next session, when some movement in the corner of your eye catches your attention? You look up, beyond annoyed, and see that it’s a couple, in matching Juicy velour sweatsuits, tongue-fucking each other’s facehole. If you have, then you’ll know what I’m talking about here…

This may surprise you, because if you know me at all then you know that I hate most things…but I, for one, think PDA is perfectly tolerable. I know most of you psychos probably think that a hefty serving of public boning could not be any less appealing, but it’s never bothered me. I like watching losers make out with each other, sue me. There’s nothing a like soft-core porn movie when you least expect it. It’s nice to have a little reminder now and then that the sad people of this sad world can still get their ass grabbed by the love of their life, in public. Celebrities and normal people do it all the time, and all they get in return is a gawk or a “fuck you,” but I think it’s time we start loving the loving. It’s almost summer, so we might as well be prepared for the public groping to commence. And while I’m on it, might I suggest investing in a few pairs of perfectly snug denim cut-offs, for optimal PDA realness. They might even be sitting in your closet already. Just rip the fuck out of them, have your French Bulldog or Pug attack them, and they should be suitably destroyed, casually racy, and ready to go. Oh, then find a boyfriend. I need to do that too.

This may be, like totes the creepiest thing ever, but I just love watching. It’s a circus of bodies and you know I love a good body story. Am I wrong?

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