My parents recently found out that I’ve been smoking weed and they were less than pleased. How can I make them accept my relaxing habit?
Dear Stoner Girl,
Are you getting arrested? Failing out of school? Smoking crack? Are you a prostitute? If you answered “No” to all these questions, I think your little pot habit is totally fine. However, your unfortunate parents sound like the kind of people that may never accept your need for weed. They also sound like they need to chill out and smoke a little themselves. I think you should arrange a family night. Tell your parents that you’re going to cook a delicious dinner (normally I would say a delicious, low-cal/no-cal, organic, vegan dinner, but not this time). Go on GOOP if you need some delish recipes. GP has been known to pig out every once in awhile, so I’m sure you can organize a great meal plan. Or just hire a private chef. It’s your dinner, not mine.
Once you’re all settled at the dinner table, and the meal is about to be served, place a joint in front of your parents. Explain to them that you think getting stoned together could be a great bonding experience, and really compliment the meal you’ve just prepared. If they go for it, relax, kick back, get high and eat tons of food. Just make sure you work out four times as hard the next day.
If your parents freak, put the joint away. Let them know how disappointed you are in them, but that you love them anyways, and go ahead with the dinner plans. For dessert, serve pot macarons/brownies/cake. In a couple hours, when you’re all laughing and watching Anchorman, tell them that you’re so glad you could share this moment with them, and let them know about the pot brownies. They’ll be too stoned to be mad, and you’ll have started a great family tradition. Sometimes you have to drug people to get them to see the light. Especially when they’re the people who created you.
I can’t believe I just condoned eating dinner. I need to go work out now.