Ask Babe: Global Warming?

Dear Babe,

I am really conflicted on what I should do about global warming and if I should even believe it. I feel like I should believe it because of all the sad commercials they play about polar bears on ice drifts. But on the other hand, I’ve been cold since September. Should I keep recycling, or is recycling last season?

Yours Truly,

C******

 

Dear Not Al Gore,

What do you mean “should I believe in Global Warming?” Have you been taking a nap since 1981? Of course you should believe in Global Warming. I sit in a bathtub filled with La Mer SPF 30 every single day before I even think of leaving my house.  And if, for some reason, I forget to do this, I can literally feel my flesh being burned alive by the ozoneless atmosphere. 

My theory is: Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not killing you.

Here is a list of things you can be doing to help combat the warming of our planet. We’re all making sacrifices these days, so you should suck it up and go with the flow.

1. Get A Fucking Hybrid SUV

2. Buy Smoothies In Glass Bottles

3. Less Private Jet Travel

4. Watch Frozen Planet On Discovery Channel 

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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