Ask Babe: REM Psycho

Babe,

I’ve been having dreams about this guy that I slept with in December and they won’t stop. In the dreams he is in love with me and I reject it. But in reality I would never reject this guy. My friend says I’m dreaming about him because he is thinking of me. But I don’t think that this is true. He’s kind of a douche bag.

A***

 

Sleeping Psycho,

Let’s get this one thing out of the way, your friends are fucking with you. You are not dreaming about him because he is thinking about you. When I was 12, I spent the better part of a year thinking that LL Cool J was going to marry me me because I was having a recurring dream where he said he loved me, in ancient Latin. Dreams can be full of shit. I know, I know. So annoying but sooooo deadly true.

Your body is missing what it no longer has. Simple as that. Why don’t you just get in your car, find him and tell him that you wouldn’t mind sleeping together again? Have you thought of that yet? If he’s such a loser that you’re too embarrassed to do that, then you need to somehow get him out of your dreams because it’s not just going to stop. Take 50% more Ambien before you go to sleep for the next few weeks. Your dreams will still be fucked up, but in a different, less-stalkery way. I’m no doctor, but it take’s a psycho to know a psycho, so I’d trust me if I were you. Bye.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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