Ask Babe/Ask Babette

Babe,

I’m gay. Lets bang.

So, I’ve been in a relationship with a totally sexy black man for three years. Now, weirdly, he’s been hanging out with his bestie/co-worker (who’s Bi) and has started sleeping over at his house for work related issues…What should I think about this une petite situation, Babe/Babette?

P.S. – I just finished the bible (aka the book) j’adore dior.

xoxo

J***

From Babe:

Dear Ennis Del Mar,

You wish you knew how to quit your sexy, black BF, don’t you? Here’s what you should do: gather up all your boy’s belongings and go to his bestie/co-worker’s house when you know he’ll be there. Barge in the door, and if they’re fucking, simply utter an “I love you,” turn around, walk outside, grab the box of his stuff, and set it ablaze. I don’t care where you are. If you’re in a residential neighborhood, take it to the street. If you’re in a city, that’s what trashcans are for.

If they’re not romantically entangled but they’re just up giving each other massages, eating homemade pie, and watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, ask if you can join in on the fun every once in awhile. But definitely tell your BF what your plans were, should they have been fucking. He needs to know what he stood to lose.

From Babette:

Dear Hot Sexy Confused Person,

I think your BF is secretly trying to tell you that he wants to have a threesome. Next time he’s over at his co-worker’s place, you should wait until you know they’re asleep, then break in. But do so quietly, because you’re going to want to surprise them! After you’re in, crawl into bed with them. Make sure you’re wearing your sexiest undies, then snuggle up and whisper, “Surprise, Mister” in either your BF or your BF’s co-worker’s ear. I think this will yield amazing results. I also think I’m on E right now.

I really respect your passion. You clearly have a lot of feelings/emotions about this situation. Are you a Taurus? If so, I think we should get together sometime–just to talk, of course ;) It’s important that you not only think of me as more than just a beautiful person to whom you’re attracted, but also as a mentor. I’m a Gemini, so I need to know that you respect my dual nature. If you get my struggle, and you get my art, we could have something here.

P.S. – I wouldn’t judge you for saying “I love you,” too soon. Call me. I love pizza.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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