The Top 5 Chicest Things To Do While Stoned

It’s April 20th, which is a day when children and old people alike celebrate their boring lives by smoking a shit load of pot. I may have trained my brain to avoid getting the munchies through a series of self-designed shock treatments involving butter and this performance artist, but the truth is I’m no less of a pot head than everyone else. You all know this about me already. I feature a joint after a long day, or when I’m watching Dance Moms, or when I’m stretching. So today, I too will be joining in the ganja gala that is Four Twenty.

I don’t want you to think that I’m endorsing aimless and/or sloppy intoxication in the excess just because it’s some stupid stoner holiday today, so please allow me to introduce The Top 5 Chicest Things To Do While Stoned.

1. Swimming in the nude, whilst high as a blimp, on a hot afternoon is not only a gift to your senses, but also a great way to get a quick cardio set in on an otherwise lazy day.

2. You may not know this, but smoking pot triggers a few chemical reactions in your brain that make sunglasses look better on your face, no matter what kind of weird face you have. Try on a new pair of sunglasses while high at Barneys, and your world will be so rocked by the lense color that you’ll end up thinking you look fabulous and buying them.

3. Spend the day finding gorgeous, locally grown, antibiotic-free produce. You’ll be especially chatty with all of the farmy boyfriends at the farmers markets around town, so wear a cute vintage tee. Come home with the day’s gatherings and make the salad to end all salads. Take a ton of photos of the salad, put them on Instagram or whatever. Blend it up, freeze it, and stock your smoothie-fridge with smoothies for the next week.

4. Cry.

5. Get a few friends together to watch season 1 of Friends in your home theater. This will remind you what it’s like to feel truly happy. Substitute greasy popcorn with home made wheat-germ puffs.

Happy smoking. Don’t be stupid.

 

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • Anonymous

    Bravo on the message. 

    But seriously guys, is not proofreading these posts some sort of  presentation of authenticity tactic? (If so, bravo again.) 

    (If not, someone should probably change the “ebcause” in para 2 to “because.” Because . . . duh.)

  • Baberino

    Wheat-germ puffs? Wow, you indulgent bitch.

  • CuntMaster

    Whoever wrote this is a dumb cunt.