Baby Babes

There’s nothing like waking up at noon, taking off your eye mask, finding your phone somewhere in your bed, checking your emails and finding a brand new GOOP in your inbox. It’s really the sign of a blessed day–except when said GOOP is all about maternity and babies. I get it, women get pregnant, they eat carbs, they gain weight, they give birth, it’s sick, terrible for all people involved, and their vaginas are never the same. Why would I want to hear anything about that? Doesn’t Gwyneth know me by now? I barely got through the maternity wear section before running to the bathroom to puke (I had a lot of champagne last night, and maternity clothing is a major digestive trigger for me. I can’t help who I am).

After I canceled my Bar Method class (puking = no need to exercise) I was laying on the cold bathroom floor and decided to read on. It was only after I’d finished the entire newsletter that it hit me: I’m not getting any younger. I’m turning 25 this year, which means that I could actually get pregnant any day now, and there would be no stigmas attached. I’d just be a young, cool, mom, like Nicole Richie or Miranda Kerr or Neil Patrick Harris. Plus, my body is, like, ready to be pregnant, thanks to the fact that I’ve completed all my laser hair removal treatments. I could even decide to adopt, and forgo carbs and weight gain altogether. Therefore, I want to start preparing for pregnancy/adoption/aging by making a list of potential baby names.

Girl:

Cindy

Christy

Naomi

Linda

Tyra

Glenn

Dandelion

Zipporah

Pear

Isis

Chic

Velvet

Isabelline

California

France

Babe Jr.

Boy:

Zephyr

Leo

Ryan

Gosling

Barney

Lazaro

Straw

Turlington

Orange

Bazaar

Kale

Maine

Jujube

Marc

Yves

Lee

Palm

 Well that’s my list. If any of you psychos think about stealing one of these names, don’t even. My dad’s a lawyer. You should also share your baby names just to be safe. Everyone knows the rule: once they’re publicly stated, they’re yours forever.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • Meggles

    L’toi’a

    • stan

      what the fuck

  • http://lushtoblush.com/ Megan

    Why the fuck would you torture yourself with a child? EW.

  • Kelly Williams

    Sorry, Leo’s mine. Yep, it’s true my 3 year old son is named Leo. I can share though.
    I’m cool like that.

  • http://www.fashiongentrix.com Christian @fashiongentrix

    Love you Babe :)

  • Andrea Miklasz

    I named my kid “Lucas.” We happened to be Star Wars fans, though he’s not named after George Lucas nor do we call him “Luke” because of Luke Skywalker. The ashamedly real place his name came from? The final episode of the series of “The Golden Girls,” when Bea Arthur’s character marries Rue McClanahan’s uncle, Lucas. Oof! I thought the name was masculine and he’s totally a “Luke,” so everybody’s happy. 

  • http://twitter.com/piqueaboo Pique

    Mine’ll be Noah

  • http://twitter.com/MariahWebb Mariah Webb

    I don’t believe you. Like, I’m pretty sure you are joking. 
    Cindy? Christy? Linda? 

    • jaime

      they’re model names… crawford, turlington, evangelista……

      • Leigh

        that doesn’t make them good names.

  • Alexandra Bellamy

    Girl name: Wednesday
    Boy name: Wolfgang

  • Cherry

    Evangelista isn’t on here?!

  • Truett0620

    Girl name: Danny like on Hocus Pocus

  • Miranda Lynn

    Oh shit Babe..I’m 23, and have only thought of two.. On accident. Victoria b took my girls name Harper(it wasn’t all that great anyways) and idk if I like Seneca anymore.. Can’t decide. Good thing my bf all of a sudden decided to start wearing condoms?! Something has got to be wrong with him. That being said, I have all the more time to claim them :) love you, no, really.

  • Erica

    hahaha chic, babe jr, and barney are def. my favs

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=873015640 Gudrun Aubertin

    You left out Gwyneth?

  • Leigh

    i’m late. i’m so late, but god, PLEASE name your baby Chic.

    girl: Prentiss, Davidson, Greylan, Shipley, Emmaline, Kenleigh

    boy: Zaro, Emory, Lex, Kerr, Huntington (Hunt for short), Conner