Ask Babe: Elf People

Dearest Babe,

I am a very petite girl with a very small frame. I accept and like this part of myself. However, it really grinds my nerves when someone does not take me seriously because of it. Recently a friend of mine has been referring to me as childlike. How can I politely tell her to stop, because sooner or later I’m going to snap and retaliate and probably mention her weight issues and I’ll regret the whole thing.



Dear Peter Dinklage,

Bottom line here is that height has nothing to do with being taken seriously. I know this girl named Christina, who is probably 4′ 9″. Believe me when I tell you that people take her so fucking seriously. She has the mind of a Jedi Knight and the reflexes of a Thai boxer. She isn’t to be fucked with. I once tried to cut her in line at M Cafe because I was running late for an appointment with my masseuses and Christina gave me such a dark stare/look that I immediately left the restaurant with my head down, crying. It was amazing.

It’s all about attitude. Who gives a fuck how tall you are? I mean, it’s not like you’re a guy. Guys have to be tall, no exceptions, unless they are horse jockeys or billionaires. So just act tall and you’ll be fine.

Also, your friend sounds like a fat idiot who is jealous of how fucking sexy and petite you are. Don’t let her insecurities rub off on you. You are a goddess. A miniature, little, tiny, munchkin goddess.  Don’t forget that most guys want to fuck 16 year olds anyway, so I think you’re gonna be okay.

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