Ask Babe: Elf People

Dearest Babe,

I am a very petite girl with a very small frame. I accept and like this part of myself. However, it really grinds my nerves when someone does not take me seriously because of it. Recently a friend of mine has been referring to me as childlike. How can I politely tell her to stop, because sooner or later I’m going to snap and retaliate and probably mention her weight issues and I’ll regret the whole thing.

Love,

A*****

Dear Peter Dinklage,

Bottom line here is that height has nothing to do with being taken seriously. I know this girl named Christina, who is probably 4′ 9″. Believe me when I tell you that people take her so fucking seriously. She has the mind of a Jedi Knight and the reflexes of a Thai boxer. She isn’t to be fucked with. I once tried to cut her in line at M Cafe because I was running late for an appointment with my masseuses and Christina gave me such a dark stare/look that I immediately left the restaurant with my head down, crying. It was amazing.

It’s all about attitude. Who gives a fuck how tall you are? I mean, it’s not like you’re a guy. Guys have to be tall, no exceptions, unless they are horse jockeys or billionaires. So just act tall and you’ll be fine.

Also, your friend sounds like a fat idiot who is jealous of how fucking sexy and petite you are. Don’t let her insecurities rub off on you. You are a goddess. A miniature, little, tiny, munchkin goddess.  Don’t forget that most guys want to fuck 16 year olds anyway, so I think you’re gonna be okay.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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