Ask Babe: Herp, Herp, Hooray

Hi Babe,

So, 2 weeks ago at my annual physical I decided to get tested for STDs. Everything came back negative, and thank God for that. I found out a little later that one of the guys I slept with over the summer has herpes. Not chic. Luckily I didn’t contract it. But here’s the issue… my ex BFF got him drunk and fucked him last weekend as “revenge” against me for being generally thinner, happier, and getting into a better medical school than she did.

Since all this went down, I’ve taken a vow of celibacy, completed a green broth detox, and been to see ALL of my therapists. I’m in a good place. But I still have a dilemma. Do I call her and tell her that he’s got herpes? Or do I let her figure this situation out on her own?



Dr. Psycho,

If you’re an ex-BFF with a soul of light, then you’ll immediately tell her to start planning 6 months inside of her room reading old copies of French Vogue, because she has herpes. Set up a little care package of the magazines, the kale smoothies and the beet green cookies that she’ll need to get settled into her nest.

If you’re an ex-BFF with a soul of darkness, you’ll project a loop of this video on the side of her house until she gets the point.


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