Ask Babe: Letters From Psychos

Babe,

I’d just like to say, thank you. It may not be a good thing, but your book made me feel better about who I fucking am. My birthday is June 8th ’89. Yeah, I’m a toddler. I also met my very best friend, soulmate, love of my fucking life, Mark (gay) when we were 5. He wrote me love letters (in cursive) how sexy, right? Anyways he told me in the 2nd grade he’d become an attorney and take care of me. Now he does drag on the weekends.  Haha. Ugh anyways.  I know this is “ask babe” so looks like I fucked that up! Just thanks, Babe. You’re fucking amazing.

Love,

K****

 

Dear Stalker,

The funny thing is, I scheduled an hour for myself this afternoon to cry, moan, and push stuff off counters because I’ve had a lot of frustrating manicures lately, but you know what? I’m scratching that plan. Instead of crying, I’m going to get a facial, because I deserve it. Thank you for helping me realize what life is all about. I’m upping my security detail so you can’t kill me/steal my identity/fuck my boyfriend, but I truly appreciate how psycho you are for me. As for your gay: You’ll probably need an attorney someday, so make him go to law school.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.

Jennifer Jason Leigh and Bridget Fonda in Single White Female

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