Ask Babe: Quick Fire

Dear Babe,

I have had a revelation while studying for my French final (80 mg of Aderall into a kale smoothie). I’ve decided to file everyone in my life as chic/not chic and even though I’ve scoured your book/blog, I need some basic guidelines to act as a backbone for who gets the boot/cut-off. So if you could please please (ew, double pleasing is not chic but I hope you get the urgency) respond to the following so I can move on with my life…

Merci Beaucoup!




Dear Desperate,

I’m going to humor you and do this, but only because I’m stoned. Here we go:

Would you rather:

Angie (circa now) or Jen (circa friends/Brad Pitt/not pathetic phase)?

Angie. Always.

Joey, Chandler, or Ross?

Threesome with Chandler and Joey.

Marry Ryan Gosling or look like Gwyneth (forever)?

Fuck you for this Sophie’s Choice-esque question. I suppose there can only be one Gwyneth, so I’d marry Ryan. There would be tears of sadness on the wedding day, and I would probably live the rest of my life resenting him, but resentment can be great fuel for staying thin and working out.

Vintage Chanel or Straight-off-the-runway Chanel?

Vintage. Have you seen recent Chanel? I MEAN.

Prince William (home wrecker) or Prince Harry (possible ginger kids)?

Prince Harry. Duh. I’m sure there’s child-friendly hair dye in case our offspring’s mane requires a makeover.

You’re welcome, psycho.

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