Ask Babe: The Most Majorest Major

Dear Babe,

I am at a crossroads in life and need some serious advice on deciding the chicest possible major in college. Any ideas?

Thanks for everything,

L*****

 

Super Sexy Smart Lady Student Girl,

First of all, YES. As many of you psychos know, my path towards majordom was a long and treacherous one, so I love this game. Here are some of my ideas, just off the cuff…

Are you truly void of any ambitions whatsoever? Study Acting.

Are you kind of a selfish bitch, but really good at saying sorry when you’ve gone overboard with the bitchy shit? Study Law and become a politician.

Are you obsessed with your dog? Study something boring.

Are you exactly like your dad, but you also kind of hate him? Study English Lit.

Are you comfortable sleeping with two brothers within one month of each other? Study Communications.

Are your tits so huge that your spine is fucked up? Get a boob reduction, immediately.

Are your parents still together? Study Psychology.

Are you fanatically devoted to piece-of-shit television like Real Housewives and, well, every other show that’s on television right now? Major in something like Cultural Studies/Art History/Fashion Merchandising, drop out of college, move to LA, make a YouTube video in which you scream-cry for 20 minutes straight, meet a D-list celeb at a party and find a way to be an artist/wife.

You’ll be toooootally fine with any of these options. GOOD LUCK!

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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