Babe On Chic-Speak

Fashion people get a lot of shit for speaking their mind, especially when they’re anti-semetic alchoholics at a shitty Parisian café just trying to mind their own business whilst screaming at strangers. So many designers, celebrities, models, and chiclings have contributed to the global conversation on style, so I thought I’d have a look at the highlights and translate their quotes into normal people speak.

“Fashions fade, style is eternal.” –  Yves Saint-Laurent

Translation: You’re gonna die a sad, old maid. Unless you spend your life wearing TONS of YSL.

“The woman is the most perfect doll that I have dressed with delight and admiration.” – Karl Lagerfeld

Translation:  Women are molded plastic, designed for the sole purpose of carrying clothes. It’s super fun, isn’t it?

“It’s a new era in fashion – there are no rules. It’s all about the individual and personal style, wearing high-end, low-end, classic labels, and up-and-coming designers all together.” –  Alexander McQueen

Translation: You don’t need to have money to have style. You just need to have the balls to steal 5-10 key pieces from your rich friends’ closets.

“I’m not addicted to drugs, I’m addicted to glamour.” – James St James

Translation: Help me.

“One is never over-dressed or underdressed with a Little Black Dress.” – Karl Lagerfeld

Translation: One is never over-dressed or under-dressed if they are small and thin enough to wear a little black dress that I designed for Chanel.

“Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.” – Rachel Zoe

Translation: I just wanted to find a job where I didn’t have to speak.

“Fashion breaks my heart.” -Kanye West

Translation: I don’t love myself if I’m wearing less than $6,000 of Givenchy.

“My son has followed fashion since he was a punk. He and I agree that fashion is about sex.” – Vivienne Westwood

Translation:  Teach your children at an early age that rebelling, covering yourself in tattoos, loving expensive clothes, and fucking everyone and everything is perfectly acceptable behavior.

“When in doubt, wear red.” – Bill Blass

Translation: Red is for stupid people.

“I enjoy doing fashion shows and transforming myself into different looks for photo shoots.” – Tyra Banks

Translation: I used to, um, be a model. It made me feel good about myself. That period of my life is over.

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