Baby Babes: Alternate Forms Of Birth Control

Unexpected pregnancy is an epidemic many women will face over the course of their lives. I spend at least 50% of every day worrying that I will get knocked up, gain 200 lbs, get divorced, and die. Few people realize that pregnancy is one of the primary causes of obesity (Google it). Therefore, I’m a full-time believer in contraception. My philosophy is: Why get pregnant when you can buy a pug or a surrogate? I totally get that every girl uses different methods when it comes to birth control, but the bottom line is that if you want to fuck someone and stay baby-free, you’d better be using condoms, the pill, an IUD or the Pull-Out Method. For those of you who aren’t comfortable with any of those options, here are some alternative forms of birth control:

Crocs

Uggs

Kitten heels

Already being pregnant

Being “so obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy, omg.”

Being Jennifer Aniston

These

Wearing anything that can be categorized as a “body splash.”

Adult diapers

Owning more than two cats

Pet art

Having children

Face tattoos

Dreadlocks

Barbed wire ankle tattoos

Over-texting

Under-texting

Giving your boyfriend the nickname “little guy.”

Farting

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • http://www.facebook.com/jennifer.wilson.37669 Jennifer Wilson

    Love.

  • LeAnn

    I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth! 

  • Andrea_farnoux

    Perfect, I should have shown this to my friends earlier.