Beet Greenies

Whenever I’m totally infatuated with a vegetable or any food really, I like to try and incorporate it into every moment of my life. As I mentioned before, this week on the site, I’m having a beet greens fuck fest.

Here’s my super simple recipe for a delicious and low-cal snack for your sweet tooths. These little guys allow you to celebrate your need for sweet, as opposed to punishing yourself for wanting a bite of heaven every now and then. If you’ve read my book, then you’ll recognize the idea behind this recipe. It’s tried and true and most of all, will help you get back to the body you had when you were 6.

Beet Greenies

1 Bundle of Organic Beet Greens, Minced

20 Individual Packets of Splenda®

2 Ten Ounce Bottles of Hawaiian Deep Seawater

1 Twenty-Slot Ice Cube Tray

You have to be literally wasted not to get this right. Just chop the greens into a little pile, mix with the seawater, and pour into the ice cube tray. Empty the full contents of one  Splenda® bag over each cube, and slide into a safe spot in your freezer for at least 8 hours. The result is a chewy, leafy, wet, icy, sweet surprise of a snack that will have you going crazy for another. Your immune system will be so pleased with all of the vitamin C, it’ll want to suck your dick. Use the Greenies to cool a glass of straight tequila for the perfect “getting-ready-to-go-out-cocktail.” Cheers, psychos.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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