Beet Greenies

Whenever I’m totally infatuated with a vegetable or any food really, I like to try and incorporate it into every moment of my life. As I mentioned before, this week on the site, I’m having a beet greens fuck fest.

Here’s my super simple recipe for a delicious and low-cal snack for your sweet tooths. These little guys allow you to celebrate your need for sweet, as opposed to punishing yourself for wanting a bite of heaven every now and then. If you’ve read my book, then you’ll recognize the idea behind this recipe. It’s tried and true and most of all, will help you get back to the body you had when you were 6.

Beet Greenies

1 Bundle of Organic Beet Greens, Minced

20 Individual Packets of Splenda®

2 Ten Ounce Bottles of Hawaiian Deep Seawater

1 Twenty-Slot Ice Cube Tray

You have to be literally wasted not to get this right. Just chop the greens into a little pile, mix with the seawater, and pour into the ice cube tray. Empty the full contents of one  Splenda® bag over each cube, and slide into a safe spot in your freezer for at least 8 hours. The result is a chewy, leafy, wet, icy, sweet surprise of a snack that will have you going crazy for another. Your immune system will be so pleased with all of the vitamin C, it’ll want to suck your dick. Use the Greenies to cool a glass of straight tequila for the perfect “getting-ready-to-go-out-cocktail.” Cheers, psychos.

This entry was posted in Alcohol, Diet, Food, Lifestyle, Recipes. Bookmark the permalink.
  • A

    I had no tits ( as I hope you didn’t have either), and kind of big  a stomach when I was 6, don’t wanna go there again. It was a dark time. If you can get me the hot bod of my 4 year old self I will be totally ok with the no tits part, cus I refused to eat anything other than dried fish when I was 4. I was sooo skinny because of the lack of anything other than pure protein, which made me also super toned.

    I don’t think beet greans can get my body past the age of 5. Can you please do a post about what will? I don’t like dried fish anymore ( do I need to explain why), so please come up with something else.

    P.S I saw you with Ryan Reynolds yesterday and I’m super disappointed in your everything. But I was majorly crystaled out, so then again it could have been Ryan Gosling, and then I’m not disappointed anymore. I would only have to kill you for dating my ex, but I’m sure Babette would understand.

    This comment took way too much effort, gross.


    • Archduke Morgan Bunny Glines

       Ew. Desperate/poseur/meth/seriously?

  • Hailebobalee

    Is this real…cause if it is I will make it.

  • LixxDiaz

    This sounds sensational! I need to try it ASAP, I’ll skip the snack usage and go straight for the tequila cocktails ;)