When my yoga instructor is at a retreat or on set somewhere with another client, and when my trainer can’t make it to our session at my home gym because his son has a recital or whatever, I am forced to go to the real gym. I mean, the public domain of unfortunately exposed bodies, mysterious odors, and house music. I’m all for people getting in shape and doing whatever to make themselves feel better, but there are certain gym behaviors that I do not accept. To name a few…
A. Jeans and denim shorts throw off the entire gym aesthetic for everyone. If you forgot your gym shorts or camel toe-capris, you don’t deserve to go to the gym. Stay outside.
B. Which brings me to my next qualm, camel toe. Figure it out, girls. If some of us don’t exhibit a full frontal wedge story, then none of us need to.
C. I don’t understand people that workout without headphones. It’s almost perverted to me. What are they thinking about?
D. These.
E. Dirty old clothes are not gym clothes. I get it, your shirt is vintage. You’re at the gym right now but you can still party, whatever. Your shirt is still filthy.
F. Boots or any shoes that would not be described as “sneakers.” Sometimes I see hipsters and trust funders and french guys sporting a disgusting pair of leather boots, untied, lounging on the bench press like I give a shit. Get off me.
Ugh, I’m gonna stop for now, but I’ll be thinking about this all night.