Ask Babe: Ass Implants

Dear Babe,

I’m an 18 year old male college student, and like most other people my age, I’m broke. I live in Ireland and my dream is to be able to get ass implants from this amazing doctor in Miami (I’ve done my research) and then strut my stuff around town and have everyone fall in love with my ass.

But I have no idea how I can pay for it! I thought about going online and trying to find a Sugar Daddy but then I would just feel like a prostitute. And working a minimum wage job wont help me get anywhere. Do you have any advice on some money making schemes so I can have an ass like Robert Kardashian?

M***

 

Dear Surfboard Ass Man,

“Working” and “money making schemes” are not really my strong points, so no. Also, I’ve done my research on ass implants, and the recovery time alone will take you 5-8 weeks, and you’ll be wearing a really un-chic support girdle for a long time. Ew…girdle. Also, you sound like you’re probably very slim, so do you really want to be strutting around Ireland with an ass like Nicki Minaj’s at the tender age of 18? No. While you’re young and able, you should do everything in your power to organically enhance your ass. Save your scary plastic surgery dreams for when you’re older and will actually need plastic surgery.

Whenever I start feeling like I need a boost in the butt department, I do two hours of Bar Method classes a day for a week. I’ve spoken openly about Bar Method before, and trust me, I know it’s fucking insane to participate in a workout class, in a classroom, filled with people, but it really does lift, shape, and make a difference in the overall appearance of my ass. I don’t know if they have things like exercise in Ireland, but if you can find a Bar Method studio near you, you should do about 30 classes in 30 days and report back to me on the status of your behind. Or buy the DVD’s and do the workouts in your home gym. I can’t make all your decisions for you, psycho.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • Sophia

    the best way to plump up your bum is to do squats. Practice on a low chair, as if you are going to sit on it. ass back, knees must stay perpendicular to the floor, weight on your toes. I know sounds ridiculous but its easier than you think.

    less repetitions and higher weight will add a lot of muscle on your butt and it’ll make your legs look gorgeoussssss

    trust me its extremely effective. You don’t need a gym for it but for beginners I recommend it.

    good luck

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXS4fN61YGI

    don’t mind her fatness, just pay attention to what she’s doing

  • Anna B

    I hope that picture is photoshopped. I’ll be very sad if those models actually have those saggy butts & if they did it on purpose. Gross.