I adore you. Really. And if there’s one person who can help me, I know it’s you. How the fuck do I get my boyfriend to stop wearing flip flops?? He’s perfect, but those horrible bringers of unchic need to go. Now.
Dear Jennifer or Kelly or Jessica or Heather or something,
Unless your boyfriend is a male model who specializes in booking Bruce Weber photo shoots, he needs to be educated on the fact that flip flops are the enemy of chic. Have you communicated to him that his footwear choices offend you to your very core? Have you told him you’re sick of him cheating on you with a shoe? Have you told him that men who wear flip flops generally have a lower sperm count? (Google it). Have you told him that you secretly cut yourself whenever he wears them? Have you told him that even Leo doesn’t wear flip flops, and he has the worst style but AT LEAST he has that going for him? Have you told him you don’t want to sleep with someone else but you might not have a choice if he continues on this path of relationship destruction?
These are all completely reasonable arguments you can make in hopes of getting him to change his ways. And if worse comes to worse you can always break up.