Dear Babe,
I hope that you are well. I am a guy and I live a perfectly adequate life with very few fucks given about its specifics. There is, however, one particular aspect of my life upon which your opinion would be very much appreciated.
I obsess about clothes. I put more effort into my outfits every morning than into my studies. I’m a tad more interested in a woman’s heels and purse than her vagina. And I often catch myself inquiring about the male roles in movies before the opposite.
Babe, am I gay?
Curious,
K****
Dearest Rock Hudson,
I’m afraid I can’t really answer this one for you. Sexual preference can be confusing, but ultimately it’s up to you to determine if you’re into dicks or chicks or chicks with dicks or whatever.
I can, however, give you a couple of assignments that might help you figure things out.
1. Watch a gay porn. Make sure it’s standard porn with a couple of dudes giving each other handys, blowys and anal. Anything kinkier than that will confuse this scientific study. If you get a major bone when you watch, or feel the need to fuck one of the guys in the film then you might consider the fact that you are at least a tad bit gay.
2. Have a small, but significant gay experience. Go to a gay bar. Find a cute gay who looks attractive to you and talk to him. Be yourself and when it’s time to say goodbye, kiss him on the mouth (with tongue). If you are gay, your peen will get bigger when you start kissing him. If you’re not gay you will stay limp-dicked, but maybe just jerk off your new friend as a reward for him being such a good sport. You make the call on that.
3. Ask your friends if they think you are gay. This may seem silly, but very often we are the worst judges of ourselves. Ask some of your girl and guy friends if they have ever truly thought that you were homosexual. If all of your friends are girls then you probably are gay. I would preface the conversation with some background information about your quest to discover your sexuality. Let them know that you really value their opinion so they take it seriously.
Good Luck and I hope you find what you’re looking for. Let me know how this turns out for you.