Ask Babe: I Actually Received This Email

Hi,

Love cannot be drowned by oceans or floods; it cannot be bought, no matter what is offered.

Let me hear ur voice.

J*****

 

Disturbed Man Poet Person,

You’re obviously insane. So let’s do this. Firstly, I toooootally agree that love cannot be bought, unless we’re dealing with yachts or ranches in the Dominican Republic or a daily delivery service of La Scala salads to me in bed, tailored to my specific dietary needs. But yes, love basically can’t be bought. Also, you’ll probably never hear my voice. I’m sorry, I’ve already hired someone to track your address, identify your wherabouts and I’ve placed a restraining order on your sick ass. But thanks for the email, I really appreciate it.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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