I am a gorgeous, chic, amazing, sexy, tall, poor psycho. I know I just contradicted myself in like 17,657 ways, but whatevs. I want to/have always wanted to be a model. I’m 5’11″, 125 lbs. and I have a face to die for. But I have like next to no money and no way to get to NYC. All I need is to be discovered and I could be making some big money because I have an amazing talent/face. I was thinking, Babe, that if you help me in some way that we could split the profits and you could teach me how to be more chic/less of a psycho/a real model. I hope you can forgive me for being so over-the-top right now because I had to drink a lot of vodka soda to even muster up the courage to click “Ask Babe.”
Dear Drunk Model Wannabe,
First and foremost, you need to sober the fuck up. Don’t you know alcohol causes bloat/wrinkles/Hep C? Secondly, you need to read this. Thirdly, in model world you are 10 pounds overweight, so just know that right off the bat. This is not me being mean, this is me being real. Fourthly, send a pic. I need to know that you’re not a 55 year old man.