One of the hottest things to happen in the history of cinema is the 1992 classic, Death Becomes Her, an exquisite horror/dramedy about the quest for eternal youth. If you haven’t seen this movie, then I don’t really know why you care about me.
Whoever made DBH, clearly based it on the relationship between me and my besties, Genevieve and Roman, knowing full well that Gen’s Madeline, I’m Helen, and Roman is Ernest. (JK Romie, you’re totes Isabella Rossellini). Gen always gets so mad when I say that, but I’m the writer in our friend group! I also had a fat phase when I was 13, that everyone knows about thanks to my memoir, and I’ve also been accused of having red hair, thanks to an incredibly unfortunate photoshop job. Therefore, I’M THE GOLDIE AND YOU’RE THE MERYL. Deal with it.