It’s time to get real with our bodies. Look at your body right in its little body face and tell it that you’re over all the bullshit, you’re tired of not fitting into your fave basic Helmut Lang tees, and you’re ready to get serious. Then smoke a cigarette, you’re exhausted and you don’t like confrontation.
I’ve found that the key to a happy summer is the perfect salad. If you don’t have a reliably green friend to turn to in moments of confusion, summer can be a sweltering bitch to get through. I’ve been eating this trusty medley of cucumbers, celery, and oxygen for years now, so I swear by it. Not only does it keep me cool, but it helps me hate myself a little less when I look in a mirror.
The Babe Summer Salad, For Your Nerves
four spears of organic celery, washed by you or in your presence
1 organic cucumber, washed and peeled by you or in your presence, quartered lengthwise
1 pinch of truffle salt
2 Vyvanse (or Adderall if you’re two drug seasons late)
First, take two spears of celery and place them on a plate, then put two spears of cucumber on top of them, perpendicularly. This should look like a “#” sign. Then in a blender, purrée your remaining ingredients to make your dressing. Put your dressing on the side because you’re not an animal and enjoy!