Dear Babe,
The other day I was at Costo to buy jalapeno yogurt dip when I walked past one of their sample tables where this woman was handing out Twistos baked whatever bites she stood shouting the most wonderful things; no sugar, wheat, trans fats – I was sold. So I grabbed two sample cups and they were the best things I’ve tasted in my entire life. Now week later, I’ve finished the entire bag and as I was throwing it out I scanned the ingredients and they were as follows; wheat, sugar, garlic powder.. everything that’s wrong with the world was in those chips. How could she lie to me like that? I feel like a vulnerable mess. What can I do to make the Costco ladys’ life a miserable hell?
Love,
S****
Dear Bruce Willis,
I don’t know where to begin here other than by saying: huh?
A few questions: Why are you in a Costco? Jalapeno yogurt dip? Twistos? Two sample cups? Entire bag? Garlic powder?
This is like in ‘The Sixth Sense’ when Bruce Willis doesn’t realize that he is, in fact, a ghost. You, my dear, are the “evil costco lady”. Never go back there ever again. I mean, you can’t walk into the deepest pits of hell and then be mad at some lowly gargoyle because she tried to burn you. It’s hell, you’re going to get burned. Am I making myself clear?
Stop going to places like this, stop eating processed foods and stop being a whiny little girl. Take charge, go to the gym and let me know when you start to feel like a human again. Rock and roll. Deal with it.