Ask Babe: I’m A Lunatic

Babe,

I destroyed this girl’s car with various condiments in order to get revenge on her for pretending to be my friend while she was fucking my boyfriend for over 6 months of our relationship. Did I go too far? Did I not go far enough? Everyone seems to think it was too much, and that I’m psychotic. What should my next move be?

K***

 

Dear Girl Interrupted,

Your next move should be to check yourself back into the mental hospital from which you  clearly escaped. What is wrong with you? I understand that revenge is a dish best served chilled with a sprig of fresh mint, but condiments?? I’m assuming this little stunt means you were last seen spraying ketchup and mustard and (God forbid) mayonnaise on someone’s vehicle? Excuse me while I barf because that is beyond not chic. Vandalism not only indicates that there’s a reason your ex-boyfriend cheated on you, but it also can lead to you getting sued/arrested. You need an image overhaul, and in order to do that you’re going to need to disappear for at least a month. Go to rehab for 30 days, then when you get out, start volunteering at a soup kitchen or something. Maybe even write this girl a letter of apology. Whatever it takes to look as repentant as possible, so she won’t catch onto the fact that you’ve hired a Private Investigator to locate any and all of her sex tapes so you can post them on the internet.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • http://www.facebook.com/valerie.luce.12382 Val Marie

    your lucky you didnt get a felony charge from the state you live in… that equals prison time, seriously its called Class C felony Criminal Mischief, and it carries a 2 year TDCJ sentence in the state of texas.

  • http://twitter.com/Chicagoista Lisa Marie Chatroop

    Someone did this in front of my apartment a while back. You REALLY should have gone this route instead >> 
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jn32zNkcR8