I destroyed this girl’s car with various condiments in order to get revenge on her for pretending to be my friend while she was fucking my boyfriend for over 6 months of our relationship. Did I go too far? Did I not go far enough? Everyone seems to think it was too much, and that I’m psychotic. What should my next move be?
Dear Girl Interrupted,
Your next move should be to check yourself back into the mental hospital from which you clearly escaped. What is wrong with you? I understand that revenge is a dish best served chilled with a sprig of fresh mint, but condiments?? I’m assuming this little stunt means you were last seen spraying ketchup and mustard and (God forbid) mayonnaise on someone’s vehicle? Excuse me while I barf because that is beyond not chic. Vandalism not only indicates that there’s a reason your ex-boyfriend cheated on you, but it also can lead to you getting sued/arrested. You need an image overhaul, and in order to do that you’re going to need to disappear for at least a month. Go to rehab for 30 days, then when you get out, start volunteering at a soup kitchen or something. Maybe even write this girl a letter of apology. Whatever it takes to look as repentant as possible, so she won’t catch onto the fact that you’ve hired a Private Investigator to locate any and all of her sex tapes so you can post them on the internet.