Keeping Up with the Willises

The Willis sisters are in the middle of a collective cry for help.

Tallulah’s underage naked pictures made the rounds with no takers. Scout got caught drinking Pakastani beer with a fake ID. Rumer was busted for drugs in 2007, kicking off this whole disastrous cycle. (And her dog just ran away.)

This is wrong for so many reasons. First of all, beer. Second, if you’re going to drink or smoke weed or take pictures of yourself without a shirt or anything else that pretty much everyone does all the time, have a little fucking discretion. The middle of Union Square is not the place for a gross rager with your friends. Your penthouse apartment is.  This is sub-Kardashian behavior. You know what this is? This is Lohan behavior. And I don’t like to throw around that term lightly.

I totally understand going through a rebellious phase during tough times. An absentee mother who’s skinnier than you’ll ever be is tough to deal with, especially when she’s in rehab and your publicist decided you’re no longer speaking to one another. And having Ashton Kutcher as a father figure for the majority of your teen years would kill most people. But that’s no excuse for this type of misconduct. You girls need guidance.

There is an answer: Bruno. Bruce, you’ve already chilled the fuck out and stopped making so many bad movies. You have the time to stop your kids from behaving like dumbasses. I recommend hiring a kickass Jamaican woman to help you. Good luck!

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