An Open Letter To Linda Evangelista

Hi again. It’s been awhile.

You’re looking radiant, as per usual. Congrats on winning your court thingy with your baby daddy.

You must be feeling very powerful. But don’t get too cocky. You’re still a single mother after all.

Bills, (much like cleaning ladies and nannies) don’t pay themselves.

So you’ll probably have to work a lot more now. Which is a win for me, because I’ve missed you.

The good news is that I think models won some sort of labor dispute, so you probably can get up and make at least $10,000 a day.

Though you should definitely ask for $20,000.

And your body/face are still in a really good place.

I don’t know if that’s due to little tweaks or one massive facelift, but you know what? I don’t care. Just email me at some point and let me know your secret.

And whatever you do, don’t let some psycho stylist dress you in this outfit EVER again.

Because I hate choking on my coconut water when all I’m trying to do is read my September issue of W in peace. Okay?

There. Much better. Very Eurotrash, but better. Godspeed.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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