Ask Babe: Beard

Dear Babe,

So I live in LA and I’m dating this TV star. I mean, he wasn’t a TV star when we met/worked together, but he is now. The problem is I’m pretty sure he’s gay and I’m his beard. What do I do. I’m really enjoying the free stuff and the attention, but like, do I really want to be anybody’s beard? Help. Thanks.

Love,

L***

 

Dear Katie Holmes/Jada Pinkett/Kelly Preston,

Being a beard is something that you are either totally ok with or not. So you need to come to some clarity about your stance on this particular issue. A couple questions you might onsider:

1. Do you love him?

2. How much free stuff are you getting/Is it good free stuff?

3. Does he make you laugh?

4. If he won’t fuck you, does he let you fuck other guys?

5. Does he have an STD?

Let me know how it turns out.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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