Every day I wake up, crawl my way out from a cave of eight body-length pillows and check my phone to see the day’s forecast. And everyday I pray that I will wake up and it will have dropped out of the 90s.
I don’t like hot weather anymore. I can accept a temperate mediterranean climate, but all of this stagnant, dry heat is crushing my soul’s soul. It’s unkind, it’s humiliating, and it’s threatening. Summer is especially abrasive for me this year and I can’t really figure out why. Does this mean I’m middle aged now? If I’m sick of a vintage tee and jean cutoffs…am I fat? Thank Goddess that fall is almost here to save me. I’ll breathe again, I’ll smile again, and most importantly, I’ll wear leather again. With autumn in mind, you psychos better be prepared with the season’s leather essentials. Here’s my List:
- The Black Motorcylce Jacket: Starting off with the obvious. This Balenciaga from pre-fall should do for a simple jeans ensemble. Try not to slap Kristen Stewart when you run into her and you guys are wearing the same jacket.
2. The MJ Option 2: For layering.
3. The MJ Option 3: For when you’re in a genuinely good mood. This blue Acne guy is cute but not too cute.
4. The MJ Option 4: For when all of your other leather jackets are at the cleaners (reek of smoke). I give you, Burberry.
5. The Leather Pant: Sometimes people ask you if you want to get on their motorcycle and take a ride up to their Malibu house, so I prepare myself by wearing leather pants as much as possible. These classics from The Row make me feel safe.
6. The Fringe Moment: For pow-wows and other times when you’re not at a pow-wow. My sand therapist, Leslie, gave me this vintage Hermès cape when I finished drawing the picture of my birth scene in sand. It was an exhausting task, and I was so overwhelmed that I needed to be wrapped in Hermès immediately, luckily she had this cape lying around. Anyways, I never gave it back.
8. The Surprise Leather Moment: This chic little thing is actually a gun holster and since I don’t believe in guns but do believe in chic, I use it as a multi-purpose storage area. It’s perfect for nights when bringing my phone/wallet/keys means losing my phone/wallet/keys. Just the necessities…European cigarette 10-packs, YSL lipsticks, drugs, Binaca, etc.
9. The Overkill: Too much Céline leather is like too much sodium (or coke), you just look puffy.