Dear Babe,
I just lost a little over 40 pounds and I was thinking of getting a bellybutton ring, but I feel like there has to be a chicer way of showing off my stunning ribcage/hipbone combo. Thoughts?
S********
Dear Britney Spears,
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Whatever you do, do NOT get a bellybutton ring. This is not the Circus tour, this is real life. There are so many chicer ways to display your newer, thinner bod. For example:
A see-through dress moment never hurt anyone:
And sewing yourself into a two piece gown is always a good look:
To be honest, the whole “showing your midriff” thing is feeling very Spring 2012. And I get that Miley was doing it and making it kind of chic, but she also just cut her hair into some awful monstrosity of a look, so she’s not to be trusted.
Maybe you should express yourself via photo shoots. You can get as emo as you want, and pose in some really strange angles to maximize your new hipbone/waist ratio:
But just know that skinny people (i.e. Me) are really over other skinny people (i.e. You) who flaunt their bodies. It’s desperate. Similar to bikini pic-ing on Facebook. If you insist on taking these self portraits, please keep them to yourself and your therapist. And don’t you dare get your bellybutton pierced. Also, fuck you for making me write the word “bellybutton” five million times.