Ask Babe: Get Your Shrinks Together

Babe,

My psychic keeps telling me I’m too in love with myself but my therapist thinks I need to love myself more. Super conflicting. I just think I need to drink more water and have either way more or way less sex. Thoughts?

Thanksies,

A****

 

Overwhelmed,

You are absolutely right. Have a big glass of water, this is the first step towards clarity in any moment of disfunction amongst your metal guides. Some days, it’s really great to have a psychic, a therpaist, a psycho-therapist, AND a clairvoyant deaf woman who draws pictures of your future in coal. But some days, it’s all too much. I get it.

So here’s what I do when their readings aren’t matching up and my poor, little brain feels like it’s going to explode all over the new wallpaper in my thinking room.

A) Call your psychic, and tell her she was right when she sensed that you were about to call her and fire her. Then fire her.

B) Call your therapist and tell her you’ve been loving yourself so much lately that you’ve decided therapy is a sign of weakness. Then fire her.

C) Wait ten minutes or so, power nap on a bed of freshly cut grass in the nude, then see which one of them calls you back first.

D) Re-hire the mental guide who comes crawling back first, this is a sign of dedication and commitment. (If neither call back, call me/email me, whatever. I have plenty of names, numbers, and profiles of people in this field.)

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • no wallpaper

    Babe – You still use wallpaper? Not Chic. That’s almost as bad as linoleum.