Ask Babe: Moment Of Weakness

Dear Babe,

I admire the way you eat so much. But I really have to wonder, do you EVER have a moment of weakness and binge? Or even eat a tiny piece of something really bad for you, like a donut? Ever? If not, then you are absolute perfection. If so, please tell me the story/stories in full detail.

Love,

L****

 

Dear Bingey,

Last week the weirdest thing happened: I started craving a cheeseburger. The last time I ate one of these monstrous things was after a particularly un-chic moment when I was in the midst of puberty and still got my period regularly, so you can imagine how surprised I was by this foreign emotion. I worked out, sauna-ed, worked out again, ate a salad, got a massage, and went to Marc Jacobs to try on fur hats and throughout all these activities, I couldn’t get that cheeseburger off my mind.

I literally didn’t know what was happening to me. Was I just going to become the kind of person who thinks about food 24/7? Was this karma? Was I going through menopause? I called my gynecologist to ask her opinion, but it was Saturday and she was out of the office, so I drove to her house. She got really mad at me for that, and I think things are going to be awkward between from now on. Sorry Betsy.

On my way back home from the gyno’s house, I decided to give into my future of becoming the fattest person in the world, so I stopped at In & Out, where I actually went through a drive through and ordered a “Double double to go.” When I got home, I stood in the kitchen, burger in hand, ready to accept my fate. It smelled so good. So wrong. I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, then licked the cheeseburger and threw it in the trash. It was a moment of pure, unadulterated weakness. Fuck you for making me share that story with the world.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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  • Anto

    Hahahahhahahhahaha this was hilarious

  • http://www.facebook.com/MGlinesAtelier Archduke Morgan Bunny Glines

    I feel like a really good trick for if you’re having a beastly craving is to go out to eat. Order a salad or whatever, then order whatever it is that you’re craving. Take two bites. Have the waiter take it away. So easy, and you don’t have to find a fat friend to eat the other 14 bites of your dessert. Also, this is a great way to get through business dinners. (Make sure you practice properly pushing food around your plate at home first, so you can kill time until the waiter comes to take away your dessert. If you don’t do it elegantly it just looks like you’re playing with your food. I recommend practicing with Legos. It’s actually pretty easy. It’s the same principle as making decent lines of blow.)