Ask Babe: That One Thing

Dear Babe,

I live in NYC. I read your post about and I signed up (even though I think dating sites are heinous). I went on a date with a guy that I actually liked. He’s funny, he has good taste in shoes, and the bar he picked was cute and not fratty. On our second date, two things happened. I found out that he eats with his mouth open and he casually mentioned that he still lives with his parents. He’s 24. Please give me some guidance asap. He wants to take me out again this weekend.




Date Middleton,

Well, if I were you, and I really liked this guy, I would first carve at least 45 minutes into my day to just cry about this. Maybe scream “WHY?” a few times intermittently. Then I would tell my maid or my best friend, Genevieve, to slap me once very, very hard in the face. Then I would pull my shit together, meet his parents, scope out the living situation and reassess. I mean, I’ve lived with my dad on and off for the past few years. I keep renting apartments and then getting super sick of them once I’m done decorating, so I move back home. It happens. Anyways this isn’t about me. Give it time. Don’t blow him off just yet.

Concerning his open mouth while eating, just tell him that it sicks you the fuck out when he does it. He will appreciate your honesty. If he doesn’t, then he’s an idiot/pussy.

PS- I love that you psychos met on I’m not joking, it’s kind of amazing. I think you’ve inspired me to start a new regular column here on my site. Any psycho that goes on a date via needs to send me a review and/or any questions and I’ll bless you with my wisdom. That is, if I’m stoned enough to care.



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