Yesterday was Gwyneth’s 40th birthday. Sorry for having to write it out so crassly. I was hoping to see what restaurant Beyonce took her to and then watch “The Royal Tenenbaums” and cry in private. But I have something I need to talk about.
Somehow, Avril Lavigne has also convinced the Canadian government and the world that September 27th is her birthday. This may seem minor, but it could mean terrible things. First of all, there’s no way that’s her real birthday. As far as I’m concerned, the only people allowed to be born on September 27th are William and Kate’s future children. We cannot allow just any borderline celebrity to infringe on the territory of the true, Oscar-winning, blue-blooded celebrities. If we allow this to continue, every Kardashian will claim to be born on the same day as Elizabeth Taylor. Some days deserve to remain sacred.