Charity Babe: Doing It For The Kids

So the other day I was having lunch (mineral oil-infused sparkling water) with a girlfriend of mine and she was telling me how she’d entered this contest/raffle thing to win a chance to meet the cast of True Blood, and that I should do it too. My reactions were as follows:

Me: I live in LA so I can meet whoever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want.

Her: I know, but like…that werewolf guy is so hot.

Me: Um duh. I totally almost made out with him at a holiday party last year.

Her: So why wouldn’t you want to buy like 20 tickets and try to make out with him again?

Me: Because that’s desperate.

Her: Not if the ticket sales go to charity. If you do win, you’re a hot philanthropist who’ll probably get to fuck the cast member of your choice, and if you don’t win, you’ll at least have helped some blind kids buy paint supplies or something.

Me: Good point.

So, here I am. Currently I’ve purchased about 40 tickets, and my girlfriend and I aren’t on speaking terms because I told her she couldn’t be my +1 if I won the contest (Obviously I need to bring a gay with me so there’s no competition). If you care about me at all, you’ll:

a) Pray to the God of your choice that I win this raffle.

b) Enter this raffle yourself and take me as your +1 if you win.

c) Stay the fuck away from Joe Manganiello if you take me as your +1.

Ugh, I love how charity stuff makes you feel thinner/happier.



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2 responses to “Charity Babe: Doing It For The Kids”

  1. - Avatar

    This is written so poorly.

  2. anon Avatar

    uhh babe you do know that mineral oil is basically petroleum, right?

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