Wet Bitch

Yesterday New York City got fucked in all holes by hurricane Sandy and you already know this because you’re a human being.

It’s gonna take a long time before the greatest city in the world is allowed to be great again. One of my 6 female friends that isn’t a complete liar (who lives in TriBeCa), told me that her building won’t have power for two weeks. Two fucking weeks. I’d tell her to come stay with me in LA but the last time she visited she got hit on by Ryan Gosling at a party I took her to. So she doesn’t exactly fit into my life plan right now.

Anyways, she was freaking out about the hurricane’s affect on her blossoming social life. She wondered how to ration her Xanax like an adult. How would she fill her week’s being seen quota when there’s no power anywhere to light her cheekbones? What can she wear in a flood without looking like an asshole. I promptly hung up because she was starting bug me out, then I texted her to say that she clearly needed to review her essentials.

Les Éléments Essentiels De Pluie (Sandy Edition):

1. Your trench should match your soul.

Whether you’re a bookish secret maneater…

Or an overt slut.

2. Your version of “waterproof” should look neither athletic nor sensible.

3. Pick your week’s shades wisely and then work them to exhaustion. This helps provide a sense of foundation in uncertain times. Monotone stories will be calming.

4. Trust one pair of metallic sneakers to get you tucked chicly away at brunch somewhere uptown where they have power. These Raf trainers from ’09 are kind of perfect. Steal your gay brother’s pair.

5. Most importantly, in actual rain scenarios, don’t make a lazy boot choice just because you can.

Don’t fall into this  muddy trap of suck. (Valentino)

When you should be wading in the tideless pool of perfectly chic. (Chanel)