Ask Babe: Can’t. Won’t. Will not. Please. Not today.

Dear Babe,

GWYNETH PALTROW’S HUSBAND CHEATS ON HER WITH KEIRA KNIGHTLEY!!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!

I read this on perez hilton.

A*****

 

Too Loud,

You, and everyone else who has emailed me about this, should understand one thing: Gwyneth has been and always will be the most important thing in my life besides juice, juice cleanses, freedom, and me. So please, have some decency, respect who I chose to love, and don’t bring this fucking filth around me ever again.

Happy New Year. You’re fat.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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