Ask Babe: Dazed and Confused and Everything

Dear Babe,

Why am I awake? Why am I watching View From The Top? Why am I not a flight attendant? Would Gwenyth fuck me? Where am I? Who are you?

G*******

 

Stoner,

Given your current state, I think it’s best for me to spell this out calmly and clearly. So, let’s take these one by one:

You’re awake because being awake is the new sleeping.

You’re watching View From The Top because you haven’t seen it in two years and despite hating that movie, you feel an obligation to familiarize yourself with Gwyneth’s full catalogue as often as possible. Also, you’re very stoned.

You’re not a flight attendant because that would be chic for about a month and then you’d be over it.

Gwyneth would not fuck you.

You’re in a dark place, but not a dark dark place, a light dark place.

I am bored.

LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.
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