An Open Letter To Girls (En Général)

Dear Girls,

                The people of today seem to think that they have an idea of what a real girl is. The proletariat has decided that it’s super cute on tv and in movies for girl characters to be dumpy, quirky, and dumpy. I mean, this girl I know just won a golden globe for being smarter and funnier than she is pretty. Like, that’s her skill and she’s really good at it. It feels like the age of the glamorous ingenue icon is dead. That’s exactly what it feels like. Is Hollywood telling us to stop being concerned with our tits and more concerned with our wits? But is the “new girl” the “real girl?” Or are the real girls those of us who prefer life with a shaman, a Birkin, a private juice counselor, and a bleached anus? What about those of us who don’t really ride bikes and would prefer it if Anthropologie just never happened at all? If you are reading this and you have a vagina, do me a favor and answer me these simple questions:

1. Does the word “girl” have a definition? 

2. Forgot 2. I’m stoned.

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